Leila
I got diagnosed with ADHD about six months ago. I thought it would be a relief, but honestly it’s been really hard. My boyfriend doesn’t really believe me. He says stuff like “everyone forgets things” or “you’re just stressed.” I haven’t told my family yet either, because I already know what they’ll say. They’ll tell me I’m overthinking, that I just need to try harder, that I’m fine.
The hardest part has been going back through my past and realising how much of it looked different through this lens. I used to think I was careless, or selfish, or just bad at being an adult. Now I can see all those times I wasn’t lazy, I wasn’t not trying, I just had ADHD and no one knew. That’s painful. It’s like grieving all the versions of myself that got punished or ignored for something I couldn’t control.
Work is really tough too. I get so tired trying to keep up with everything, trying not to mess up, trying to hide how hard it is. I probably should ask for accommodations, but I don’t feel safe enough. I don’t want to be seen as difficult, or as someone who can’t cope. So I’ll probably do what I always do, apply somewhere else, hand in my notice, and start again. It feels like the only way.
Some days I wonder if anyone will ever really believe me. But I guess the difference now is I believe me. That has to be the starting point.